


The Vantas Files

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, Multi, Shenanigans, Short Chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-07-29 18:23:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7694674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starring Sollux Captor as Edward Snowden and Karkat Vantas as The President of the United States</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I’ve finally caught you!”

A file cabinet hangs open, but the woman behind it doesn’t let up, she doesn’t loosen her grip on the thick packet just as she doesn’t loosen her straight and dominant posture.

In stark contrast, the tense prosecutor clicks the safety off the gun, shaking, “I’m not going to tell you again, put your hands up, and put that down,” at first there is no response. Up until it’s personal, “please, Vriska!” The prosecutor calls, and the criminal jumps to action at the sound.

She takes off, weaving to the left, and the prosecutor struggles to keep her aim straight. Vriska pushes off of the surface, letting the cabinet hit the floor. She kicks up the desk separating her from her opponent. Papers from both container and surface begin to liter the air, bullets fly through the closed space.

Landing untouched, feet on either side of the floor where the prosecutor has fallen back, she speaks in a roaring, dominant voice, “I know you too well Pyrope. It’s all for show, either you have the aim of a damn storm trooper, or I have luck to rival Pulp Fiction,” she reaches down an offering hand.

Terezi thinks to reach for her gun, but Vriska’s hand answers a far deeper plea. A longing to return to something dead and gone.

Vriska sees this in her eyes, “don’t you remember how things used to be, roomie?” A nostalgic sigh escapes her, “it doesn’t have to be this way.” With her other hand, she holds up the thick stack she had infiltrated the area to get her hands on.

“That’s…”

Vriska nods, a smile spreading across her face. “I know how close to the edge you are, roomie. I know that you don’t want to keep living like this, living with him, dealing with the stress,” she waves it tauntingly, “this is your way out. Come with me.”

Terezi swallows.

She reaches up and takes the offered hand.


	2. Chapter 2

“Mr. President, we need to schedule a conference about the treaty with-”

“You don’t need me to schedule anything,” he tries to brush past but is stopped by another.

“Mr. President, what about the planned aid to-”

“I’ve already laid out the guidelines, just do what I said assuming nothing has changed,” his expression changed to irate as the pests continue to block his path.

“But Mr. President, political tensions have risen and-”

“Politics haven’t fluctuated since the dawn of time, if you think something as petty as a disagreement is going to stop the nation in its tracks,” he clenches his teeth and shakes his head, “if so you much as mention trivial garbage once again i’ll have you fired.”

“Mr. President, please this is urgent.”

“I highly doubt it,” struggling to keep a swear out of the middle of the sentence. He finally pushes through the crowd and retreats to safety behind several guards and a locked door.

He leans on the door pressing his back on it and closes his eyes. He exhales, listening to the endless muffled chattering. And then his expression snaps to alert at the sound of a chair shifting in the room.

A gruff, hardened voice addresses him. “Mr. Vantas.”


	3. Chapter 3

The snow drifts down and settles gently on the ground. Despite the pseudo soft illusion, the storm is bitingly sharp and bitter cold. Sollux shivers under layers of clothing, one hand sapping warmth from a steaming cup. The other hand doesn’t have the luxury.

“Good, this last one should give me what I need to-” he’s interrupted by a bitter voice on the other line, but interrupts it right back, “It’s a secure call, AG, I’ve double checked. It doesn’t matter what I say,” she keeps chattering over him, made paranoid by him referring to her even vaguely. “Chill out,” he says ironically, exhaling a white cloud in the cold.

“Yeah just send it in the usual way, and get in touch with-” another interruption, ”fine, fine I won’t say anymore names over the damn phone if you’re so touchy about it. But yeah, give me two days and we’ll be ready for the final operation. AG?” The line goes silent, she ended the call.

Sollux grumbles, “fucking rude,” he snaps the cheap flip phone in half and tosses one after the other into the lake below. The first breaks through the ice and disappears, the second doesn’t. “Fuck.”

Sollux sits there holding his cup, blank stare of defeat locked on the piece of stubborn metal. He leaves the cup on the railing and hops over it. He begins picking up rocks and trying to hit the ice anywhere near the phone. His aim is not as good as expected.

“что вы делаешь?” [“what are you doing?”] the voice floods him with conflicted instincts: to turn towards the intrusion and to hide his face at the same time. It startles him enough to drop the rocks he’s holding, and in a panicked, uncoordinated movement, begins to fall down the steep ledge.

The clouds of clothing soften his fall enough, he lands on his back and lays there looking up at the sky, “well fuck me,” he swears, quietly enough that the stranger up on the ledge can’t hear.

She shouts down to him, “вы ранены?” [“are you ok?”] After no response and no movement from him, she parkours over the ledge and safely makes her way down.

“You have a really obvious accent, do you speak English?”

“Is it that bad?” She smiles and helps him up. “Anyway I kinda spilled your drink, oops,” she shrugs, “can I buy you a new one?”

Sollux fights off a look of confusion, not believing his luck, “Yeah, sure.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey so where are we going to go?”

Startled, Vriska drops her phone, but catches it mid air and turns it off. 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t made plans”

Vriska slips her phone into her pocket, shrugging with her other arm, “I was just gonna wing it”

“Unbelievable,” Terezi frowns and turns to plop down on the bed in the middle of the hotel room. 

“We  _ could   _ visit a friend of mine a little south from here. Virginia Beach, it’s not far, and it’ll be  _ fun _ ,” extending and emphasizing the two words. 

“Don’t tell me we’re going to just be hopping around from place to place. I thought you had at least a little bit of stability I could look forward to.”

“Stability is overrated!” Vriska also jumps down on the bed, folding her arms under her head. 

“You don’t actually believe that,” Terezi turns over on her side to face her, “You have a plan, you always do. Why do you want to see this friend specifically?” 

“She’s in the area,” Vriska tilts her head to the side. 

“Just tell me.”

“She has a bunch of connections to the media, she can help with the final stage of the plan.”

“That’s really vague, Vriska. What, do you think I’m wearing a wire or something?” 

“Oh I know you’re not,” Vriska shifts closer, her hand moves to glaze over skin under Terezi’s shirt. “But the room might still be bugged,” she laughs. 

Terezi’s chuckle ends with a sign, “this is serious. I want to know where we stand. Do we even trust each other?” Vriska’s expression settles down, but she doesn’t respond, only stares back into Terezi’s eyes. 


	5. Chapter 5

“Who the hell let you in here?”

“I’m sure you hear this all the time, but this is very important.”

Karkat crosses his arms, but his tough gaze doesn’t look away for an instant, “if you can break in here, I suppose you deserve my attention.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard about the notorious Spinneret Syndicate” 

“Changed my mind, you’re not worth my time,” he snaps as he walks around to his desk, unfolding his arms and letting his guard down. “They’re just a damn rumor that conspiracy theorists take turns injecting and getting off to.” The phone rings. 

“They are very real, Mr. Vantas. Do you remember the Captor incident?” Karkat pauses midway reaching for the phone, “How he took off with vital information, and you still haven’t found him.”

“How do you know about that?”

“The same way I know about the Spinneret Syndicate. I’ve been on this case for a long time, and I haven’t been alone. It sounds like she hasn’t even told you.”

“Who?” 

“Your wife. We believe she has defected the cause.” A pause. Karkat puts the caller on hold and dials a new number quickly. 

The room stills for a long while, until he gives up and puts the phone back. 

“Where is she?”

“We can find out, do you trust me?”

“I don’t even know who you are,” Karkat examines his features for the first time. 

“I can’t tell you my name, my assigned pseudonym is Dualscar.” 


	6. Chapter 6

“Aren't coffee shops supposed to be bustling?” 

“We’re not really in the most bustling of locations” 

“Still, I didn’t expect us to be the only ones,” Aradia leans back on the counter, staring out the window into the storm, “so what are you doing out here?”

Sollux exhales, “I really don’t want to- well you know, you’re a total stranger, don’t take this the wrong way-”

“Oh no I get it, sometimes I give off an overbearing vibe-”

“It’s not you.” 

After the short burst of both parties interrupting themselves in quick succession, the silence feels out of place. The coffee shop is nearly deafeningly quiet. Sollux makes an audible sound of surprise when a barista calls their order. 

“Indiana and… one three three seven?” 

Aradia laughs, “yeah that’s us,” she takes both orders and leads sollux to a table. “Why did they even bother calling the order, we’re the only ones here.”

Sollux shrugs, “and they conveniently speak English,” he pauses to take a sip from the quickly cooling coffee, “Sometimes I swear, if my life was a book, people would constantly accuse the writer of weaseling out of things that shouldn’t even be- I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like if,” he stops speaking when he sees Aradia’s attentive glare. He clicks his jaw shut. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.”  

A pause. A few sips in silence later, Aradia speaks, “I thought that place was completely desolate.”

“Usually is.”

“You say that as if you’ve been there before, how come we’ve never met?”

Shrug. “What do you do there?”

Aradia laughs again, “you won’t tell me what you’re up to, but you expect me to squawk?” Sollux shakes his head but Aradia leans in and hushes her voice, “I’ll tell you if you promise to keep it on the down low.”

Sollux scoffs, it couldn’t be more illegal than his own situation, “promise.”

“Stealing artifacts for a client.”

Sollux squints, “I was expecting something seriously hardcore.”

Aradia makes a loud noise with her chair scooting back, “It is so totally hardcore!” She scoots back in, “I have a seriously invested antiquarian after this stuff, he’s an ultra rich history nerd so I’m setting a super high price. Plus, I’m kind of a double agent in a sense. I’m part of the excavation team so I know what dates they’re coming out, all I have to do is get there before the rest of the party and I’m all set.”

“Sounds too safe to be hardcore.”

“I wouldn’t be telling you all of this if I wasn’t completely secured. That and I feel like I can trust you for some reason, haven’t I seen you before?” 

“Probably.”

“I thought I remembered everyone I meet, were you on TV or something? What’s your name?”

He hesitates before lying, “call me Snowden”

“No, that’s not it… I totally remember seeing it but, wasn’t it ‘Cap-’ something?” Sollux’s expression turns more serious, feeling slightly threatened, and Aradia picks up on this, “you’re not surprised with my crimes because you’re an even bigger criminal,” she leans back in her chair and grins widely, “you scoundrel.” She laughs. 

Sollux can’t decide whether to be horrified or endeared by her behavior. “I’ll keep your secret if you keep mine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> karkat will be memed in future chapters depending on how the IRL election goes


End file.
